Ridiculous Exercises and the Trainers Who Love Them

Why….why, oh why….does it seem that the more effective the exercise, the more stupid it looks?

When I know that I really don’t have a choice but to go through with the dumb thing…when I’ve whined and bargained to no avail…I use mental games to try to deal with it.   The first is my internal indicator, a quotient level, if you will, on just how humiliating certain exercises feel.  It’s a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being, “No sweat, I got this, who cares what it looks like?” and 10 being, “Now I have to leave the state forever.”  My trainers – God bless their built-like-a-brick-house little hearts – are working hard for my best interest, so it’s only proper that I give fair trade, right?  Right.  So, when they start out with some ominous phrase like, “You’re not going to like this, but…” I just take a deep breath and try to get all Zen about whatever’s coming.  Then they show me what the next exercise looks like, and deep down, I know…I just know…this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen, and it’s being demonstrated by someone who looks good doing it. There is no hope for me.  Out comes the internal indicator!  If I treat it scientifically, it takes away the sting of looking so silly.  Try it sometime.  It works.

You also have the option of simply refusing to think about it, but that almost never works for me.  Clearly I have a lot more dignity to let go of.  As soon as I can do that, I should be in a lot better shape to handle this.

Perhaps the most effective technique I’ve found yet is just to have fun with it.  On doing butt kicks:  “YES I look like a chicken, got a problem with that?” and then I have to fight the urge to cluck.  Walking lunges feel, for all the world, like a really silly wedding march.  The mother lode is, of course, just after doing something that wrecks your arms and then being told to do high knee steps.  Arms tucked in protectively to re-establish feeling, you walk around and see how high you can bring your knees.  Total T-rex.  I simply cannot do those without laughing. I’ve tried, but no dice.  If you’re comfortable waving your butt in the air, then you’ll love doing the inchworm.  If you’re not comfortable, well…too bad!  And then, of course, doing anything on the Bosu is a recipe for humor and disaster at the same time.  If you’re like me and have rotten balance, you’ll know what I’m talking about.  If not, then go get drunk and walk on a trampoline.  Let me know how it goes.  Take pictures.

I once asked one of my trainers if there was a national convention where fitness people get together and see who can come up with the newest and most ridiculous exercise poses.  Totally straight-faced, he said, “Yes, it’s in Colorado.”  Well.  Ok then.  That answered that.